Monday, September 22, 2008

Obedience Training Course for Kitty

Reagan is going to start teaching a class. It's going to be called. "How to scare the -you know what- out of your kitty...then he'll go limp and let you do whatever you want with him!" Just in case you can't bring your child and his/her kitty to the class, we decided to post online step-by-step instructions.

1. Hold the kitty by the belly. Squeeze him so hard that he almost vomits. Almost is the key word here. This will make him feel nice and ill so that he will cooperate better.

2. Proceed to run around in circles while holding him upside down. Still squeezing his belly nice and firm. This will get him into a nice comatose state.

3. Sit down. While kitty is still dizzy hold him by the face and tell him "no no kitty, you obey me".....and while you've got him there you can pry his mouth open to take a peek at his teeth. You could even attempt to pull his tongue out. He's comatose, remember, he won't mind.

4. Walk around while holding him by the neck. Simply put your pointer finger in his at a time while singing him "Jesus Loves Me."

Congratulations! You've completed a 4 step crash course in kitty obedience training.

Good luck and God bless you and your kitty.


Stacey said...

Hi Candice! it is Stacey from your table at MOPS. I saw your blog address in our emails so I thought I would check it out! I love addicted to reading other people's blogs!! your daughter is beautiful and we actually have very similar situations....we have Avery who is 4 and we're currently pursuing the road to adoption. Won't be able to make it to MOPS this week but we hope to see you next time!!

James Hewitt said...

That is so funny!! I don't know if you know anything about Jake and his dogs, but your cat is extremely lucky compared to his dogs. He is probably thanking God every day that he is being poked in the eye and being dragged around by his head instead of a dog in the care of Jake.

Anonymous said...

Um, wow! I went back reading your blogs. You do realize that animals feel pain, and are an integral part of the family? While teaching your children religion, you should also be teaching your children how to respect animals! These pictures are cruel and I cannot believe it was allowed, I also would have run away, were I that cat...