Wednesday, August 1, 2012

This Mama's Wrecked Heart Belongs First to her Family

My sweet friend shared this with me this morning and it so resonated with my heart that I had to share here.
I so often feel as if there HAS to be more than the mundane. I feel God has put this fire in me to do more. To go to the ends of the Earth and do great and mighty things for Him.
I immediately think it must mean we are called to sell it all and be missionaries!! Like our sweet friends the Bensons. Praise the Lord for their ministry!
But I have a husband who anchors me in the middle of what are, at best, emotional times...he knows me so well and what I see as a calling from God might just most certainly be a time of discontentment or a desire for change. Especially if God is not leading my husband that way.
Shaun reminds me...here, home, our kids (disciples) are the great and mighty work. Serving our church and loving on hurting people within those walls is the great and mighty work. Plugging away at the Law Office and praying God uses good, honest work to further his kingdom is the great and mighty work. Learning how to witness in America is the great and mighty work. Serving a lost community in Arkansas is the great and mighty work. God can use us here! It's where Shaun feels we are called to be. So I stay...still with this itch in me..."God, use me here, but there just MUST be more...". There is always a "but" deep down in my heart. So many days are spent discontented. I wash dishes, change diapers, mow grass, do laundry, sweep, wash dishes again, watch the grass grow back, watch the laundry piles grow back, all while thinking...what do all these things matter in light of eternity? I just have to do them over and over and they mean NOTHING! NOTHING!
I tell God, and myself..."We go to church and we learn and grow and my heart is for sure more in love with Christ than ever, but that isn't saving souls".
Shame on me. I have three lost souls right here at the breakfast table as I type this...little hearts that need Christ. There are lost people in my family. I meet lost people all the time at the store, at church, at gymnastics practice, at t-ball games...am I faithful in what I say is "little"? If not, would I be faithful in what I think is "much"? Probably not. Lord, help me.
Anyway- this spoke volumes to me today. I do believe this. I am constantly working to embrace these truths. It's a daily decision to honor Christ with what seems mundane. Because it is not mundane...it is God's calling on my life right now. May I learn to be faithful TODAY.
Thank you, Courtney. Love you, my friend.
Click below to read: Please, please read!!!
Now, I must go mow. :)
This Mama's Wrecked Heart Belongs First to her Family


2 comments:

Camie Risinger said...

Never could God's timing be more perfect! Steve and I go through almost identical conversations. I am so thankful for you, Candice, and your blog! And I am thankful that you are family. I ALMOST typed "if only we lived closer." But those "if only's" are what get me in trouble. ha! But I am so thankful you posted and shared and I read!!!

Candice Hair said...

Thank you camie! Oh, the "what if's" I can come up with in a day!!!

Love you. Love to see you walking, learning and growing in wifery and motherhood too!! God is good. Glad we have blogs to help us keep up!